Theism is based on Faith and by its simple definition “Faith” is belief in something that can not been seen or proven. So, when people ask me to prove to them Who is God and Where is your God or why did God do something – I do not know how to answer. I just know it in my heart that He is out there somewhere watching me and providing me with opportunities to do good things. He is out there paving my path with temptations but trusts me to do the right thing. He is out there trying to understand me and forgive me for my sins and take care of me
I want to move on, but looks like I have placed myself in a position where I cant. I find myself stuck at a place where some of my personal priorities are taking a hit on what I have want. I find myself at a point in time when a passion suddenly does not excites me. I just dont want to go back to that place. And No it didnt happen overnight, the process took almost 3 years and now I have reached a place where it is no longer with me.
Now a very important part of my life kicks in and I need to answer a very important question: Was that a passion or just an addiction? the answer can change my life in ways that I cant think of today. I need to answer myself on what I need to do – balance out my personal priorities and let go of my ambitions passions or go back and find what I lost over a period of 3 years.
Both options have their fall outs and I need to see what is more important for me – ?? vs ??. Sadly, I dont know how to put these in words that describe what I am thinking and I do not wish to say those words and end up hurting loved ones.
I dont know who to turn up to for answers that are neutral; I dont know even if anyone can come up with a neutral answer. Every person has their experience and unique situation in their life and their answers are influenced by those situations. What I am feeling is unique in its own sense and I need to find answers in those situations only. I hope I can reach out to God and seek guidance.
I do not understand why but I still am not able to calm down as I wish to. Well, there is a huge improvement from who I was in 2007, but I am still not there. There are sudden outbursts, and then there are times when I keep silent. I am just unable to strike that balance. There are reasons beyond explanation that make my mood go south.
I remember reading a while back:
Anything that makes you weak physically, intellectually and spiritually, reject as poison. There is no life in it…it can not be true…truth is strengthening. Truth is purity. Truth is all knowledge. Truth must be strengthening, must be enlightening, must be invigorating.