Is Love Enough? via The inner anti-matter

“Them or Me?” – I pray that none of us find themselves standing at crossroads

English: Love question

when they have to choose between two people. This question will always rip someone apart – a situation than can only lead to a scar for the rest of their lives to all the parties – You (who has been asked to decide); the “Me” (who has asked you to make the choice); the “Them” (one who Questioner has decided to break all bonds).

Yet, if life brings us to that crossroads, it is unto us to make the decision and live with it the rest of our lives. Most often than not, we do not try to understand the “Me” as to why they are making this decision. We make all the efforts to understand what went wrong between the “Me” and “Them”, but we forget that the “Me” is beyond the point. If they have come to this, the battle has been lost and “You” can do nothing that can change their mind. All they are looking for at that time is support.

“You” forget that the “Me” asked “You”, because “You” matter in their lives. “Me” did not decide to just leave, “Me” asked “You” to join them to walk the path and share the pain. “Me” wants to be with “You” and try to heal the wound they have just given “You”. “Me” asked you to let go a part of your life, because “Me” does not want to let go of “You”.

If is then that “You” will have to decide is you can spend the rest of your life not hating “Me” for what they did. If you can not forgive in that very instant, then the war is lost. “You” will ask “Me” to forgive and let go, but “You” have to do this first and walk the path and make sure that they converge back.

One may argue, that the “Me” is not considerate towards the feelings of that someone special – yet “Me” chose “You”; if you think “Me” loves “You”, the question remains – do you? The question remains – if “You” would have asked that question, would “Me” be their for “You”.

One may argue, that “You” would never do this. And that is who “You” are. “Me” is who he/she is. If “You” can not live with for what they are (which might not be what they have been); then “You” have just witnessed the death of that relationship. “You” very well might choose “Them”. The question remains – do you want to live with “Me” and hate them or let go and love “Me” for what he/she was.

One may argue, that “Me” is not considering “Your” feelings and they are being stubborn on their irrational logic. One may argue that “Me” does not love “You” because they are ready to cause you pain and ignoring what “You” want. The question remains – “Do you love them”.

The question remains – “Is Love Enough”.

via Is Love Enough? | The inner anti-matter.

Is Love Enough?

English: Love question
Image via Wikipedia

“Them or Me?” – I pray that none of us find themselves standing at crossroads when they have to choose between two people.  This question will always rip someone apart – a situation than can only lead to a scar for the rest of their lives to all the parties – You (who has been asked to decide); the “Me” (who has asked you to make the choice); the “Them” (one who Questioner has decided to break all bonds).

 

Yet, if life brings us to that crossroads, it is unto us to make the decision and live with it the rest of our lives. Most often than not, we do not try to understand the “Me” as to why they are making this decision. We make all the efforts to understand what went wrong between the “Me” and “Them”, but we forget that the “Me” is beyond the point. If they have come to this, the battle has been lost and “You” can do nothing that can change their mind. All they are looking for at that time is support.

 

“You” forget that the “Me” asked “You”, because “You” matter in their lives. “Me” did not decide to just leave, “Me” asked “You” to join them to walk the path and share the pain. “Me” wants to be with “You” and try to heal the wound they have just given “You”. “Me” asked you to let go a part of your life, because “Me” does not want to let go of “You”.

 

If is then that “You” will have to decide is you can spend the rest of your life not hating “Me” for what they did. If you can not forgive in that very instant, then the war is lost. “You” will ask “Me” to forgive and let go, but “You” have to do this first and walk the path and make sure that they converge back.

 

One may argue, that the “Me” is not considerate towards the feelings of that someone special – yet “Me” chose “You”; if you think “Me” loves “You”, the question remains – do you? The question remains – if “You” would have asked that question, would “Me” be their for “You”.

 

One may argue, that “You” would never do this. And that is who “You” are. “Me” is who he/she is. If “You” can not live with for what they are (which might not be what they have been); then “You” have just witnessed the death of that relationship. “You” very well might choose “Them”. The question remains – do you want to live with “Me” and hate them or let go and love “Me” for what he/she was.

 

One may argue, that “Me” is not considering “Your” feelings and they are being stubborn on their irrational logic. One may argue that “Me” does not love “You” because they are ready to cause you pain and ignoring what “You” want. The question remains – “Do you love them”.

The question remains – “Is Love Enough”.

 

Relationship between Expectations and Relationships

This is going to a controversial topic and I myself is not too sure in my head where this ends up. But something happened today that made me think about this. The bottom line question is:

What happens to a Relationship if you stop Expecting?

Does the relationship ends? When I think of a relationship between a parent and a child; a parent will definitely have some expectations from their children. But, if the child does not fulfill those expectations, the relation still continues to remain. The affection does not die.

In other scenario, when we are with friends or colleagues and we have certain expectations that do not come true; we tend to move away from that relationship and eventually it either dies or converts to a casual “hello”; which eventually ends. I believe the very first signs of the death appear when one stop talking or gets angry.

 

So, what happens in the first case? Is the love or the bond so strong that it can never end no matter what. Or the bond has grown so strong that it takes a blunder to destroy it?

I would die for…

Inspired from Cheeni Kum starring Amitabh Bachan (Buddha) and Tabbu (Neena). Movie was about an old man who falls in love with a woman who is 30 years younger to him. The woman also loves him and they decide to marry each other. Neena’s father is against the marriage. Buddha, is trying to make him understand the fact. Buddha, has a neighbor, a 5-year old girl is suffering from cancer and is destined to die soon. The last scene of the movie is a setting in Delhi’s Qutab Minar. Buddha, goes to Qutab and wishes for Neena and his wish comes true. 5 minutes later he receives a call which tells him that his neighbor has died just 5 minutes earlier. He now wants to go back and wants to wish for the life of the little neighbor, but he can not.

I saw the scene and I instantly, realized something. For me, people live their lives “not to die”. Is life that simple? Would I want to live my life-like this? No way. I want to live life and believe that we can not live life unless we live to die.

I would die for having my family with me. I would die for having my friends with me. I would die for all the good things that I have around me. Would you not?

Relationships

Let us first have a look at what a relation is? In dictionary it has been defined as “The way in which two concepts, objects or people are connected.” With this if we look at relationship it becomes a state of being connected. Now again the dictionary gives the example as:

  • the state of being connected by blood or marriage
  • the way in which two people behave towards each other
  • an emotional and sexual association between two people

When I read the definitions given above I start to think that dictionary is just a way to teach words and not meaning of those words. Would a relationship mean the way it has been defined above. Though, I see the sentences saying all (by way of emotional association), I believe that relationship have a deeper meaning of words. I will quote some of the great thinkers and then we will see the difference:

  • Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the wealth, faithfulness the best relationship
  • Relationships are like crystals, you do not realize how much you love it until it breaks
  • Death ends a life, not a relationship

Reading the last two, I think what was missing in the definitions that were put forward in the earlier post? I think emotions and the human touch to it. I believe that every time you meet someone you make a new relationship, but what it means to you it for you to decide. You can take a hello to a marriage or companionship and you can take a friendship to hatred. The reasons can be different, but what is important that we need to know how to honor each of our relationships. That can be enmity or love, but doing justice to that is an art not everyone has. People have various tendencies towards approaching every situation, but what it comes down to is the fact how one wants to live their life!!

People around many a times ask questions on why two people (a boy and a girl) are roaming around frequently. My answer is; that is what people do. This bring me to thinking, why can not people see a relationship just like any other thing… why does it always have to boil down to this between opposite sex. Why? I dont think anyone on this earth would have an answer and I will not try to answer this one; actually I am not in a position to answer this as I do not think that a relationship to be like this. But this leaves me surprised nevertheless.

I will take some examples of very divine relationships (or that is what people call them) – “Mother and a Child”, “Brother and a Sister”, “Husband and a Wife” and “Friends”. I will not spend time talking about the first 3, because those are the easy ones. Let us talk about “Friends” – does it mean a “Boy and a Boy” and/or “Girl and a Girl” or can it also mean “Boy and a Girl”. Well it seems the society around is still caught in the moment where they do not think that the last one even exists. Believe me friendship is the most emotional relationship that you can be in. All others relations that you have you have known each other for a very long time or you stay with the person. So, how difficult is it to keep the relationship sour? My wife says to me “How long can I remain upset with you; we share the same bedroom.” and she is damn right.

But, when it comes to “friends”, this is where a person’s ability to carry on and honor the relationship is tested. You will not meet friends for long time, and talk to them sometimes, but you will be able to talk to them just as you never were apart the next time you meet. Is it that not a sign of a more strong bond than anything? Why can two people of opposite sex not have this between them? Is it written somewhere? or is there something that I am missing.

Seems that I will continue to live in a world of my own and continue to find people, who believe in the same thing as I do. Or will I have to change myself one fine day.

A new end, a new beginning

I could have never guessed that I would be up at 5.30am on the New Year day; but then I could have never guessed that I would be living in Minnesota for 5 months. Last year has been an year or many things that I never thought could happen to me. But, when I start thinking about the last 10 years of my life, I feel so glad that there are things in there that I had thought of – a good job, loving wife and an adorable daughter are the three things that top my list.

But, last decade was about learning and growth. I moved from early 20s to 30s and it changed my life in many ways. Last few years, I saw myself leaning towards Spirituality and in many ways moving towards to the betterment of my life and my family.

I started the decade hungry of success, and I am starting a new decade still hungry, but of a different kind of success. For starters, I want to follow one of my so many passions that I picked up in years and let them die. I have not decided which one, but it feels like photography is going to be it. So, you can be rest assured that you are going to see quite a few clicks from me in times to come. A lot of those are going to be of my daughter and I try to spend as much time as I possibly can with her.

Living outside of India and my home has never been a thought but it happened in the very end, and I may have to do so again in the beginning too, but something I am not looking forward too very much. However, this decade the goals achieving some higher things in life. Professionally, I consider myself blessed in this last decade. I started off in the year of the dot.com burst, however still I am holding a senior position with a big organization and I think I have earned respect amongst many of my colleagues (if not all). In this new beginning I would like to achieve some more.

Personally, last decade saw me at crossroads many times. Not many would know that, but I went from someone who cant shut up to someone, who does not speaks. I am still uncertain as to if this is for good or not, but introspection tells me something needs a change here – as my mother tells me so affectionately – “you should be more social”. I know she is right but then I am me. I am a different person when I am around my daughter or my friends and I like that person. Maybe, they are not judging me all the time and if they are sometimes I do not care because it is so much fun that way. I believe that for me to be that person all around, I have to do some talking. Something I have done successfully in my professional like in the last decade, and I think I need to so likewise here too.

Friends – wow!! A whole new meaning for me in this decade. Because, in the last decade, I completed a decade long of friendship with a few of my friends and made some new ones. My friends from 90s taught me what friendship really means – it is not about talking a lot, but talking when it makes sense. It is not about having to talk to someone all the time to be friends, but still to be friends when you find it most difficult to be. And, some new ones – when I never thought I would be able to make some new friends in such a hectic life, I actually did. I somehow have started to believe that the word “Best Friends” does not exist. Either we do have friends or we dont. I do not like to name people, but I would do so this time around – Rajat, Deepika, Shallja, Samita, Pankaj sir, Sitija, Babul. And yeah Anurag (even though he is my brother in law) I find myself at ease around him just like I do with friends. When my mother-in-law tells me that she was so afraid given both our nature, we would even tag along, it is surprising that we do go along very well. There are of course some differences and I am the “Jijaji” :), I find myself being very comfortable around him.

Family – I left this one for the last, because this one is never going to end. I started a new decade with just my side of the family and mid-way, I was blessed to have Preeti’s side of the family too. And, it has been wonderful along the way. Preeti herself has been in all ways the “better half” and complimented me in many ways. And when she presented me with Aabhya she just gave me the world. I can not thank her enough for all she has done. Mom and Dad – they have been ever so patient with me all along. They saw me sunk with dot.com, they saw me grow in Sapient and UHG and they saw me change over time and move away from their child to be a father of their grand-daughter and yet they were so patient with me and my attitude (I wish I never had that). Only if I would be half as patient as they have been, I would be a different person. Thank you mom and dad. Aparna – my baby sister and I still call her that even though she is now married and is practicing her medicine in a big hospital. She has been like a daughter to me, but somehow I dont think I ever said those words to her. I think she knows :). Our fights turned out to be some deep talks over the years and then to a silence of respect and love of each other. I cant thank her enough for being their for me and listening however little I talked about. This chapter can go long if I start writing about everyone, so I am going to take a rain-check for now and come back later.

Thank you God, for being there for me all the time and guiding me for the very best. I could not have done any of this without You.