Friendship

Friends
Image by matley0 via Flickr

How we feel is something that we cant control – or at least not at the very beginning. We may be able to over a period of time to control our emotions, but when something happens at that point how you feel tells you who you are what the other person means to you. Friendship is one such thing.

Over my life I have heard many people say “she is my best friend” or “he is my bestest friend” or “we have been good friends for an entire lifetime”. I have always just said “he/she is my friend”, i was never able to categorize. For me either you are a friend or a classmate/colleague.

Wikipedia defines Friendship with the characteristics like wanting the best for the other, sympathy and empathy, honesty, mutual understanding, trust and positive reciprocity.

I have known many people especially through school, college and various jobs but only a few people outside of my family who have moved into the second decade – Rajat, Shallja, Deepika, Samita, Pankaj and Prashanth. None of them are from my school or college. Couple of them are from NIIT and rest from my first jobs. And, then there are a few other who have come close to either getting moved over or are still in the first decade but are in the zone – Naina, Sitija, Anubhav, Babul, Bhawana, Raminder, Praveen, Nikhil, and Sachin.

Over a period of time, we have all moved on with our life and we have got busy and have spoken less over the time. However, even now when I see their name on the screen of phone I feel delighted, and I look forward to speaking to and call them when I can.

Sorry guys for the context, and no matter how much this seems irrelevant, it is important for me to get to my primary thoughts.

The friends who have moved to the 2nd decade are the ones, for who I feel happy or sad based on what I hear. I no longer expect them to call me as the first person when something big happens in their life. I am happy that they remember me and in no particular order. I believe that if they have been unable to tell me about something, they had a reason, and when we meet I just congratulate them or share my sympathies and not worry about why was I not told about it. I just do not worry about where I am in their priorities, because I know I am a part of their life and when if I am not needed today it is because my friend is struggling with a part of life where they need me to around for them to reach out. I no longer offer my support, I just offer my companionship.

 

We weren’t friends overnight, but it took time; it was built. It took commitment to make it work. The journey to this stage of our Friendship is what held the ingredients for a successful friendship. It started off with a mutual association and a mutual liking for each other’s company. It built on top of trust and honesty in all our dealings especially when at work. We made sure that we were fair to each other and kept our personal lives independent of the professional ones. It was built on understanding, that we were a part of their lives but ones priorities are always changing. It was built on faith that when we need them they will be around and if they can not be, they will tell us why.

 

So, now when I hear about a “friend”, and my first emotion is not to be happy for them, I know it is not friendship. I just know – I don’t understand why I was not remembered; how come I am not remembered every time. I know it is time to let go. I know we are not friends any more, we are just “ex-colleagues”.

 

Adam and Jennifer

Jennifer Aniston

When I saw the promo for “Just go with it“; all I expected was a hilarious movie – yet another comedy from Adam Sandler. And, with Rachael Green starring in the movie it raised my expectations a lot more. Finally, got the chance to see the movie and it was not what I was expected; not at all. It was so much more better.

Adam Sandler just simply rocked and Rachael Green (Jennifer Anniston) was beautiful. Its hard to believe that the star from “Friends” still has it in her. Nicole Kidman looked so much worst in front of Jennifer.

The movie is a romantic comedy and not a full-tu comedy; but it is a beautiful movie with kids and Adam Sandler has done it so beautifully. A storyline similar to “Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya” starring Salman Khan and Sushmita Sen has been done so very beautifully; that the Mr. David Dhawan should learn a few things about comedy and how can it be directed script-fully.

A must watch for all fans of Adam Sandler and/or Rachael Green – or for anyone else who likes romantic comedies.

Relationship between Expectations and Relationships

This is going to a controversial topic and I myself is not too sure in my head where this ends up. But something happened today that made me think about this. The bottom line question is:

What happens to a Relationship if you stop Expecting?

Does the relationship ends? When I think of a relationship between a parent and a child; a parent will definitely have some expectations from their children. But, if the child does not fulfill those expectations, the relation still continues to remain. The affection does not die.

In other scenario, when we are with friends or colleagues and we have certain expectations that do not come true; we tend to move away from that relationship and eventually it either dies or converts to a casual “hello”; which eventually ends. I believe the very first signs of the death appear when one stop talking or gets angry.

 

So, what happens in the first case? Is the love or the bond so strong that it can never end no matter what. Or the bond has grown so strong that it takes a blunder to destroy it?

Staring at the Sun

Sometimes to stare at the sun you need a pair of Sunglasses. Remember that there is nothing that you add in your capability when you wear sunglasses, you just take a little assistance. But, people also use sunglasses to keep off bright light.

Friends are just like Sunglasses, who you have with you always. They will keep helping you in keeping the difficulties of life out all the time, and also be there when you need them the most to look into the eyes of life and fight it out.

If a pair of sunglasses get damaged, we always go and replace them, remember that you will not be able to replace a Friend. Cherish them always!!

I would die for…

Inspired from Cheeni Kum starring Amitabh Bachan (Buddha) and Tabbu (Neena). Movie was about an old man who falls in love with a woman who is 30 years younger to him. The woman also loves him and they decide to marry each other. Neena’s father is against the marriage. Buddha, is trying to make him understand the fact. Buddha, has a neighbor, a 5-year old girl is suffering from cancer and is destined to die soon. The last scene of the movie is a setting in Delhi’s Qutab Minar. Buddha, goes to Qutab and wishes for Neena and his wish comes true. 5 minutes later he receives a call which tells him that his neighbor has died just 5 minutes earlier. He now wants to go back and wants to wish for the life of the little neighbor, but he can not.

I saw the scene and I instantly, realized something. For me, people live their lives “not to die”. Is life that simple? Would I want to live my life-like this? No way. I want to live life and believe that we can not live life unless we live to die.

I would die for having my family with me. I would die for having my friends with me. I would die for all the good things that I have around me. Would you not?

Friends

Clifton Fadiman quotes “One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”

So true, how can a friend change your life is something you know when you have a friend. Many a times when I call my old friends, we have just a few things to talk about and it is starts like “Aur kya haal chaal hai” – “theek hai”. And, then we do not have to find any other topics, we just chat 🙂 Thinking of some of my friends brings a smile to my face and I continue to think how lucky am I.

Relationships

Let us first have a look at what a relation is? In dictionary it has been defined as “The way in which two concepts, objects or people are connected.” With this if we look at relationship it becomes a state of being connected. Now again the dictionary gives the example as:

  • the state of being connected by blood or marriage
  • the way in which two people behave towards each other
  • an emotional and sexual association between two people

When I read the definitions given above I start to think that dictionary is just a way to teach words and not meaning of those words. Would a relationship mean the way it has been defined above. Though, I see the sentences saying all (by way of emotional association), I believe that relationship have a deeper meaning of words. I will quote some of the great thinkers and then we will see the difference:

  • Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the wealth, faithfulness the best relationship
  • Relationships are like crystals, you do not realize how much you love it until it breaks
  • Death ends a life, not a relationship

Reading the last two, I think what was missing in the definitions that were put forward in the earlier post? I think emotions and the human touch to it. I believe that every time you meet someone you make a new relationship, but what it means to you it for you to decide. You can take a hello to a marriage or companionship and you can take a friendship to hatred. The reasons can be different, but what is important that we need to know how to honor each of our relationships. That can be enmity or love, but doing justice to that is an art not everyone has. People have various tendencies towards approaching every situation, but what it comes down to is the fact how one wants to live their life!!

People around many a times ask questions on why two people (a boy and a girl) are roaming around frequently. My answer is; that is what people do. This bring me to thinking, why can not people see a relationship just like any other thing… why does it always have to boil down to this between opposite sex. Why? I dont think anyone on this earth would have an answer and I will not try to answer this one; actually I am not in a position to answer this as I do not think that a relationship to be like this. But this leaves me surprised nevertheless.

I will take some examples of very divine relationships (or that is what people call them) – “Mother and a Child”, “Brother and a Sister”, “Husband and a Wife” and “Friends”. I will not spend time talking about the first 3, because those are the easy ones. Let us talk about “Friends” – does it mean a “Boy and a Boy” and/or “Girl and a Girl” or can it also mean “Boy and a Girl”. Well it seems the society around is still caught in the moment where they do not think that the last one even exists. Believe me friendship is the most emotional relationship that you can be in. All others relations that you have you have known each other for a very long time or you stay with the person. So, how difficult is it to keep the relationship sour? My wife says to me “How long can I remain upset with you; we share the same bedroom.” and she is damn right.

But, when it comes to “friends”, this is where a person’s ability to carry on and honor the relationship is tested. You will not meet friends for long time, and talk to them sometimes, but you will be able to talk to them just as you never were apart the next time you meet. Is it that not a sign of a more strong bond than anything? Why can two people of opposite sex not have this between them? Is it written somewhere? or is there something that I am missing.

Seems that I will continue to live in a world of my own and continue to find people, who believe in the same thing as I do. Or will I have to change myself one fine day.