My family has been telling me for years now that I have the Anger of my father and fore-fathers. Yet, until recently I never thought of doing something about it. I did not see it a as something that needs to be fixed – I just had it and it was a trait of my personality. Until, recently when a thought stuck me and I realized that this needs to be fixed as it is not keeping me happy.
In the years 2008-2011, I had been getting more and more patient – being able focus on things that really mattered. However, my actions brought a not so welcome change – I have been getting quieter more and more. To the extent that my wife asked me recently – “How many days can you stay in a room all alone?”. As per the law of the universe “everything is made in pairs”; this downside came with an upside i.e. I became a great listener. When I did not have to speak I was listening and hearing. And when needed I had all the context that needed.
The downside has higher consequences than the benefits the upside brought. And also, I figured out there has to be away for me to get rid if the downside while I still reap the benefits of the trait I picked up all this while.
I have to narrate an analogy of a person and his belongings and how a person would go about protecting their belongings. the analogy is simple enough and it is about a person and his house. The house can be categorized into the following grouping:
These are things that matter a person. I will speak about these things in terms of where and how a person would place their belongings and not what those are.
1. Boundary Wall: It is something that is the most exterior part of the house. Something that anyone who walks by can see. How the boundary wall looks gives the stranger some insight into who lives in the house to it is important to the person living in the house.
2. Garden: It is place inside the house where the person would sit and relax. But, it is yet a public place where people can see him/her and his/her friends, family and anything he wishes to put out there. Once again like the boundary wall, it reflects something about the person living the house but is more sacred. Not everyone can see it, and the person would take care to present it to the people who would be invited in.
3. Sitting Area: This place is well inside the house hidden from prying eyes and accessible visible to any external public. Only those who are invited get to experience it. And it is this nature of the place that makes it more critical for him to take care. It is more personal.
4. Bed Room: I thought very carefully and then decided on this room, because this is private. A room where not everyone can enter. Only a selected few are allowed in this room. This is one room that he would find very sacred to himself. This is private.
5. Locker/Safe: As it suggests, a place that where he would keep his deepest secrets not wanting anyone to venture into it. Something that is very secure and also a place that only he would know of in the house. This is sacred.
These are people with whom a person interacts in their lifetime.
1. Strangers: Someone we don’t know, we see so many of them everyday
2. Acquaintances: Could be anyone – our colleagues, people we deal with for work. Someone we are not close but we know just them enough
3. Friends: Need I say more?
4. Family: Need I say more?
5. ME: This is only a reflection of myself. ME represents thoughts, feelings, emotions a person would have.
Now, we need to think of the possibility that the Actors, will interact with person through his/her belonging. A person would be okay with some level of interaction between the two and anything else would simply be a violation of his/her space and it that violation that a person needs to stop.
A person would have a dog in their house to stop this violation and unleash the dog on people who would venture beyond their allowed areas.
My Dog is my Demon and than demon comes out in the shape of the Anger.
My Demon has been trained like any other dog over a period of time to behave in certain ways and that pattern is depicted below.
I am sure you would be able to draw a similar correlation to your belongings, actors and demon as well, but essentially the point is the more we are to ourselves we are shielding things from people around us. If we keep everything locked up, our demon will have no choice to but to attack the ones we love – Family and Friends.
And, when our loved ones try to get into the next room, the demon at times just lashes at them to keep them out and over a period of time they know the door for them is closed.
I know now where I live my life; in which rooms do I have my emotions sitting. The solution are simple – either I retrain my demon or I move my emotions to a different room.
I don’t know which is easier, but I am sure one those can be done.
- Anger is one short of Danger (saakshinagpal.wordpress.com) – possible ways of control your outburst at that very time and then after we gain composure we would be seeing more clearly and would know what is the best thing to do
- Anger Management: How to Keep Your Temper in Check (everydayhealth.com)
- Anger is love! (thouartthycreator.wordpress.com)
- Anger (mlleaurore.wordpress.com)