The Movie // The Experience

This weekend, I went out on my first kid-cartoon movie in a theatre and it was Chota Bheem. It was Aabhya, Preeti, dad and me. My mom was in Chennai with my sister.

It was not so much about the movie then it was to take my Kid to the movie. She was absolutely joyous when we told her that she was going to watch her favorite show on a movie theatre. She is a mover and just can’t sit tight and we have taken her to only one movie in the past. She being she, was asking so many questions

Dad what would be the seats like? Are they like the sofa at home? Can I sit in daddu’s lap? Oh My God!! she was so excited all the way that I cant describe it at all. It was awesome. We finally reached the mall where we planned to watch the movie and suddenly she wanted fries. Well yeah she saw the shop someplace and for next few minutes her focus was shifted from the movie.

During the movie she was so excited, jumping in her seat and shouting and cheering her favorite scenes especially when Bheem would take a laddu and eat it. In the movie that would give Bheem some strength and he would take it when he was ready to fight an enemy. At that point she would just go super crazy like she never has and at one point she was ready to come and fight me 🙂

Well it was just simply awesome – the whole experience. And Thanks for everyone for making it memorable.

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Whats the fuss | Porn?

Last few days have been interesting given that a “taboo” topic was brought to the center of everyone’s life. Where families like mine we would not speak of the topic, News, Entertainment, name it – everyone was talking about it – Porn. And it all started in the middle of political arena when the news of 3 ministers in Karnatka assembly watching porn on their mobile phones spread like wildfire. It had to because this time it was BJP on the line especially when Congress has been taking the heat for a long time. They had to retaliate, but they got the reasons all wrong.

I have been hearing of this case on Radio channels for last couple of days, and have been thinking why the fuss. Last night, a fellow blogger wrote about this which summarizes my views on the topics.

I can’t reconcile with the fact that these ministers have resigned from their post if the reason was that they were not doing their work, but everyone around is talking about “they were watching porn” makes no sense to me. A very popular radio station has been mocking the same reason when one of their self-marketing slogan “Aaj ka radio station” has a teaser “Baap ke zamaane main danda maarne ke kaam aata tha, aur aaj ke zamaane main…” (rest we all know what they want to imply).

Seriously?! How can a media group lay double standards in same breath? Lets penalize the ministers for not doing their jobs, but not for watching something that is so open now in everyday world. Another fellow blogger wrote about the movie Ra-one placed as a Children movie, and i agree with him. I was looking forward to watching this movie on a Sunday night with my family and after 20 minutes, I had to turn back to another channel because it had profanity beyond reason.

Media – phew we all know what they can do, this is just another example.

 

Update: updated the text after reading Asif’s comment, I did a typo… Oops!!

2012: Week 2 in Review

Goals

Last week, after I wrote that I am doing well against my goals, Sunday was a train wreck. On Sunday alone, I watched twice as much television as I did the entire week. However, the week following brought back some sanity and it was getting normal yet again. Finances stabilized and as I started to spend more time on my blogs, I started to see readership jump marginally – a positive sign. I was also able to visit the Gym 3 times in the week for my regular treadmill run and was in no time I was cranking up 3K in around 25 minutes. Weekend was a mixed-bag where I got utterly lazy and just did not care of finishing up a couple of my tasks as I had planned, yet I was forth coming when it came to going out and figuring out various things for Aabhya’s coming birthday.

Overall, I am satisfied how I am progressing against my set goals for this year.

Sports

India slumped to a new low, loosing the Border-Gavaskar series to Australia as they lost their 7th straight test overseas. Everyone is now finding faults against the seniors and Dhoni. There have been rumors of Dhoni retiring from test cricket sooner than expected and also some of the senior players like Dravid and Laxman being axed. My emotions tell me that I am so much disappointed with how India is performing and they need to do something. No one, and I mean no one is able to perform in Australia and they have failed just as they did in England. While people talk about letting seniors go, I am wondering if infusion of fresh blood will really solve the problem? I think not, because India is simply unable to negotiate fast pitches and unless there is an effort to fix that, we will be here again – Dhoni or no Dhoni.

Soccer

I became a fan of soccer when I bought FIFA 10 while I was in US. As I started to understand the players and team my interest in the game has ever increased. This year I am following 2 leagues – La Liga and Premier League. And in both the leagues the current leaders are surprised. La Liga not so much because Real Madrid is as strong a team as Barcelona, but Barcelona being second is a bigger surprise. While in Premier League, Manchester City is a surprise as it is 3 points clear of Manchester United. Chelsea and Arsenal not doing so well. Lets see if we see new champions crowned this year.

Personal Life

Could not have asked for a better start to the week. Preeti and Aabhya came back and last weekend’s void was filled with my kiddo’s “Google Talk”. Gosh, I have missed her. Over the week, she was mystified with her new year’s toys and was happy playing with them. It was like an eternity but I was so glad to be seeing Doraemon again. She would come to me and play nice to get the remote for the TV and I guess she is the only one who can do so now 🙂 and yet I love she does that.

Towards the end, time was spent in deciding if we are going to celebrate her birthday this year and also the Lohri on Friday the 13th).

 

 

 

 

Goodbye 2011

I recently read somewhere – “Nothing really ends when a year ends. But a lot can begin when a new year begins”. But, a beginning without an introspect would be simply be aimless. While this may be okay for some, for me 2012 has to be in perspective of what 2011 was – this is simply a way of trying to improve on things.

2011 for me can easily be categorized in 4 buckets:

  1. Agneepath
  2. Vanvaas (Exile)
  3. Dream
  4. Awakening

Agneepath

As the year started, I had just come back home after a 5 month stay in US away from my family. I had come back for a purpose i.e. Aabhya’s admission in school. And the year 2011 started like a challenge for both Preeti and I where we were working through various schools in almost all parts of Delhi. It was nothing less than an ordeal for us. However, it all went well and out hardwork was rewarded in February when Aabhya was admitted in Maxfort where she will complete her pre-nursery this year.

However, in February as we were done with the admissions the next test was my return back to US for completing the 1 year assignment. I was scheduled to be back in US in February itself until July and this time Preeti had made it clear that she will not visit because of the long journey. This time, I was not looking forward to going abroad, but still there were obligations to my job that made me think otherwise.  It was a true Dhrams-Sankat for me. And, at one time, I did something I would not expect myself to do it. Yet, on March 26, I flew away to wrap up what I started or should I say “clean up my own mess”.

Vanvaas

This is not what Ram did, but I still call is one because I was away from everything that I liked – especially my home and family. Considering that I was alone this visit brought a lot of different challenges than the previous one. This time, I knew the place and how to navigate my way around it – so my troubles were different especially – “How do I spend my time?” The work as I expected was almost non existent. Although, my bosses promised otherwise, but like any their DNA they failed to come through with what they said and it became a mountain out of a molehill for me to spend my time in US. However, this Exile allowed me to think what I need to do with my career and by the time the Exile was over, I knew my time with UHG was up.

This stay saw me do a lot of things – Tennis: Playing, Coached and Coaching; Road trip to Chicago – where the trip to House on the Rock was simply amazing. Finally, when I was going to come back that was an adventure in itself. Eventually, I was home on July 31.

Dream

When I came back, there was debrief of my project and then there was “no work” for me. My bosses kept me sitting idle for like 2 months; and it simply meant that what I was thinking during my “vanvaas” was just getting resolved. and then there came a 360-degree turn in my life. I went from doing nothing to learning PHP, and taking my framework to 90% completion. I was signed up by an online magazine to publich my technical articles which was a huge boost to what I was doing. Around August, I had started to look out for other job opportunities and I landed up a couple of offers, one of which was with Sapient Nitro. I promptly resigned; and ironically it all happened in the week when I was told “I am not technically sound to be an architect”; and then I was presented with an award for my technical contributions to the company by the CTO. But, I had decided and I was going to move on – and I did in October when I left the UHG and moved on to better things in life.

The Dream also included me started a brand new endeavor and try to do some consultation while I was in between jobs and it was all looking up very nice. The phase was a dream because then I woke up

Awakening

Just like a dream, it all started to crumble – there were issues one after another and I was unable to spend any time to my own learning or my framework. The consultancy that I had opened started to dwindle and soon I was left to make a decision. And, I did but that decision meant that it was time to wake up to the reality.  I went about to join Sapient and close the consultancy and to find out that after putting my sweat and my health on the line – it will all end up with friends not trusting me. Yet it happened – and it made me realize something important. Something I knew always, but never took the time to understand how important those things were. Today as I sum-up 2011 for myself, I know what needs to be done.

Overall, 2011 was a good year – it showed me that I can be strong and yet weak enough to know what I nee; I can dream and work hard to make it come true; I do put my family in front of me even if it makes me miserable; I am more practical than emotional – something that my family does not like about me. Goodbye 2011, lets hope your successor allows me to….

 Coming up next is going to be my resolve for 2012 and lets see how well I do that.

The best 20 minutes of the day

Ludo skrĂĄfoto
Image via Wikipedia

Last few weeks, my kiddo has started a new tradition – playing “Ludo” before we go to bed. And, for last few weeks those 20 minutes has been the best time of the day that I spend – not thinking – just enjoying with my 2 princesses.

Things have not been how I wanted them to be for a long time, but last few weeks that has been changing and things are taking a favorable shape. Yet, I feel myself still being restless. When I am alone – driving or working or doing something alone, I just can not get my “tunnel focus” back. I am just unable to keep the distress signals out of picture and just focus on getting the things done that need doing. I have been spending a lot of energy in trying to keep myself on track (for doing whatever I have to do). For some reason, I don’t know why?

And, this brings me back to introspection and I am trying to relate my entire day, last few weeks to those 20 minutes I spend where I am totally focused and not worried about whats happening around me or with me. All I know that those 20 minutes make me happy like nothing else does and I need to find that love again in what I do. Also, that my family is with me during that time enjoying and supporting me makes a huge difference to me and I look forward to doing that.

It will not be wrong to summarize that both of the following statements are true for me:

My life’s moments are incomplete, they are not in the same vicinity as complete, if I can not share them with my family.

and

There are things I need to do; not for someone else but for myself. My urge to stay hungry is the reason I am alive.

 

I don’t have all the answers. I failed as much as I have succeeded. But, I have not failed enough just as I have not succeeded enough.

Coming home – part 2

If you are interested in reading how the first half of the trip went read this post here.

After waiting for more tan 5 hours at the Chicago Airport, I finally boarded the flight to New Delhi. The boarding was quick and timely; but as we waited in the Aircraft for 30 minutes, the Captain announced that there was structural damage in the Cargo and it was being inspecte. After a while, we were informed that the damage was not that bad and they will not use the cargo hold (which was damaged); but it is safe to fly. It was a relief that this flight would not be cancelled, but there was a nagging worry about the structural damage. However, I was not going to get off this plane; I wanted to get home. So, we waited and waited until Captain told us that they were too heavy to Fly (HAHAHAHA); and they were figuring out what to do. This was a new one but was an interesting one. So, finally after waiting for 2 hours, they had figured out everything and we were on the runway for the take-off.

On the flight I met Rob, he was sitting next to me. We started talking and as it was his first trip to India, he was curious about many a things and I shared anything I could about Delhi and India. However, after a while when we touched upon what he did for a career, we started to talk about a lot of things that I have been thinking lately – religion, faith, spirituality, healing. It just seemed so weird to me that I was thinking of all those things just yesterday and here I was discussing all of that with him. Nevertheless, I spent almost 2 hours discussing various things with him and I have to admit, it was the most fruitful session of my life. His thoughts, made me go look deep inside of me and understand how things have been playing around me (another post about all of that will come along soon). But, it was evident that “the universe” had bigger plans for me and maybe my flight getting cancelled was simply a way of making me meet him. The flight was a very pleasurable one – I had no stress at all. Chatting with Rob helped me be at peace even more from where I started a day before.

After some chats, music, House MD and some turbulence, we arrived at New Delhi just an hour late. And, as I exited the plane it felt like Home already. The feeling of at the New Delhi Airport was like a Lion who just reached his own territory. Going through Immigration was hassle free, but after a long wait at the baggage, I came to know that my two bags had arrived already and were in the Customs Hold Area. Then the Customs was a big pain in the ass and I eventually had to shell out $200 to get through it. It was worth it given all the stuff I had brought. It was only after 90 minutes that I met Papa, Preeti, Timmy Bhaiyya and Aabu outside. Aabhya looked so very different in person. Finally we left the Airport to reach home in not so much of traffic. Met Mom at home and after that I was just so relieved like a cork had been blown off the top and any remaining stress was gone. Dinner tasted so delicious and it was followed up with Mango – I think I was eating it after a year. But, after that it was playing time with Aabhya and showing wat I got for her and making her understand that she has to wait until tomorrow to open those up else she will miss her school.

Finally, around it was sleeping time and with Aabhya next to me and asking me to hold her hand. It was a realization that this is what heaven was for me, and I want this every single day in my life.

The feeling of being stuck

I want to move on, but looks like I have placed myself in a position where I cant. I find myself stuck at a place where some of my personal priorities are taking a hit on what I have want. I find myself at a point in time when a passion suddenly does not excites me. I just dont want to go back to that place. And No it didnt happen overnight, the process took almost 3 years and now I have reached a place where it is no longer with me.

Now a very important part of my life kicks in and I need to answer a very important question: Was that a passion or just an addiction? the answer can change my life in ways that I cant think of today. I need to answer myself on what I need to do – balance out my personal priorities and let go of my ambitions passions or go back and find what I lost over a period of 3 years.

Both options have their fall outs and I need to see what is more important for me – ?? vs ??. Sadly, I dont know how to put these in words that describe what I am thinking and I do not wish to say those words and end up hurting loved ones.

I dont know who to turn up to for answers that are neutral; I dont know even if anyone can come up with a neutral answer. Every person has their experience and unique situation in their life and their answers are influenced by those situations. What I am feeling is unique in its own sense and I need to find answers in those situations only. I hope I can reach out to God and seek guidance.