Negotiate with feelings

This dawned on me about 3 years ago.

“What is the first emotion that you face, when you do not see something happening as you desire?” – when ever I have asked this question to a few people, the people the answer that I get is anger, dis-appointment, sadness, etc. I have felt the same way most of the time in my life.

It was back then when I started to practice something that I like to call “negotiate with feelings” and a quick assessment now shows it has been particularly helpful.

I try to isolate myself with an incident that has any impact on me. I just give myself some time to absorb what has happened. Sometimes, it takes a few hours and other times it may take a while. But once I am done absorbing, I clear my mind and start thinking what next needs to be done – remedies, action plan and ensure that I have that on track.

The next step for me is to understand why it happened in the first place. I do not do a root-cause of everything; only those that had a big impact and I wanted to make sure that the chances of it happening ever again are diminished greatly.

The result is not many times, I find myself  “not getting angry” and understand why “am I dis-appointed” or “why am I sad”? and rather than holding on to the feelings for a longer duration and nurture them, I am able to go about providing a fix and get on with business as usual.

It has also helped me as a person in certain areas because now as I have been able to negotiate with my feelings, it helps me in framing a more fruitful discussion with people.