This time I got to do something about it

Yesterday someone escalated to my bosses why I did take a proactive measure to find something that could be wrong in one of my applications. The email communication ended when the person replied as follows:

English: A metaphorical visualization of the w...
English: A metaphorical visualization of the word Anger. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

[quote align=”center” color=”#999999″]I agree this is ridiculous seeing a Sr. Arc on the project look for escape route and not owning things.[/quote]

 

The email didn’t end here (someday I may decide to make it public) and it went on to attacking me personally and not on the elements around which the matter existed. For the most part of yesterday I was angry and was itching to reply back, but I decided not to. Something told me that if the person wasn’t able to reason with the elements till now, nothing that I would say will help the person understand the reason.

 

Today morning when I was thinking as to why was I angry and disturbed because of what someone would call me – was it because it was a public assault on my personality, was it because I didnt take the ownership, was it because I wrote something that demanded this kind of a personal attack.

 

I am not going to write back and fall to the level the other person has stopped to – it is not my nature. I was harsh in my messaging but nothing that I argued was outside the elements / facts on the table. What was pissing me off the whole time – this was a simple task and we weren’t able to get it done because we didn’t have the people for the job and then also that this finally became my problem of ownership because I did wanted to do something. An idea struck me not considering the timing of our daily calls when I could have discussed this with a larger group. I chose to send an email where the right people were involved – yet this blew up and it was my accountability or why I didn’t think of this idea per the schedule of our daily calls.

 

Upon much pondering, it boils down to one point – what am I going to do about it. I have been that hard headed SOB who would keep going at it all the time with endless emails and communications. I have trying being the best kind – “lets play it politically correct” and keep taking the crap-shoot that keeps getting thrown at me. I am done spending countless days and night thinking that this is not the situation I am in. I realize I get the crap that I allow people to send at me. I am better at this. I am not a rock-star, but I am not one who doesn’t takes ownership of my decisions. I haven’t passed on accountability till date and I got to stop making others accountable for my miserable self.

Retaliating back is not the answer. neither responses like “Go and work this out” are going to do this time. This is not my problem – and I need to let people know they got to fix their problem else they have a much bigger one on their hand. I let people make from tough choices.

So what am I going to do? I am going to sit this one out for a couple of weeks and work on alienating my anger from the real issue on hand. Then I am going to go about solving this problem like I go about solving any other. Problem you should be worried, because when I put my mind to solving something, always that problem goes away.

 

P.S.: If you haven’t already seen this episode is a must have that tells the exasperation I have been going through all this time.

Advertisements

Face your decisions

A decision is the selection between possible actions. A choice is the selection between two or more objects.

This is how Wikipedia puts it, yet we often say “You have a Choice” when making decisions. I am not going to talk the semantics of English Language, but touch upon a topic I face daily – at times more trivial and others significant.

If I ask myself, “How many times a day do I have to make decisions”, I dont have a count. But, if I want to ask myself “How many days do I take to make a decision?” I would have an answer. People call me “hard headed” when it comes to my job, which some interpret as a quality while some find this quality makes me inflexible and is a hindrance. While I try to keep a balance, I do not take very long to make decisions on job. When it comes to personal life, I see to take days to decide. Seems odd, when I think these are not really critical – many of these that take so long revolve around – “convenience/luxury” vs. future. Last year I blogged about this topic briefly (it shows that I spend too much time thinking). Today, yet again, I am asking myself a similar question – “convenience today” or “safety tomorrow”. I dont know yet what to do – sometime you just need someone to make the decisions for you.

Could life me simpler….?

Is Love Enough? via The inner anti-matter

“Them or Me?” – I pray that none of us find themselves standing at crossroads

English: Love question

when they have to choose between two people. This question will always rip someone apart – a situation than can only lead to a scar for the rest of their lives to all the parties – You (who has been asked to decide); the “Me” (who has asked you to make the choice); the “Them” (one who Questioner has decided to break all bonds).

Yet, if life brings us to that crossroads, it is unto us to make the decision and live with it the rest of our lives. Most often than not, we do not try to understand the “Me” as to why they are making this decision. We make all the efforts to understand what went wrong between the “Me” and “Them”, but we forget that the “Me” is beyond the point. If they have come to this, the battle has been lost and “You” can do nothing that can change their mind. All they are looking for at that time is support.

“You” forget that the “Me” asked “You”, because “You” matter in their lives. “Me” did not decide to just leave, “Me” asked “You” to join them to walk the path and share the pain. “Me” wants to be with “You” and try to heal the wound they have just given “You”. “Me” asked you to let go a part of your life, because “Me” does not want to let go of “You”.

If is then that “You” will have to decide is you can spend the rest of your life not hating “Me” for what they did. If you can not forgive in that very instant, then the war is lost. “You” will ask “Me” to forgive and let go, but “You” have to do this first and walk the path and make sure that they converge back.

One may argue, that the “Me” is not considerate towards the feelings of that someone special – yet “Me” chose “You”; if you think “Me” loves “You”, the question remains – do you? The question remains – if “You” would have asked that question, would “Me” be their for “You”.

One may argue, that “You” would never do this. And that is who “You” are. “Me” is who he/she is. If “You” can not live with for what they are (which might not be what they have been); then “You” have just witnessed the death of that relationship. “You” very well might choose “Them”. The question remains – do you want to live with “Me” and hate them or let go and love “Me” for what he/she was.

One may argue, that “Me” is not considering “Your” feelings and they are being stubborn on their irrational logic. One may argue that “Me” does not love “You” because they are ready to cause you pain and ignoring what “You” want. The question remains – “Do you love them”.

The question remains – “Is Love Enough”.

via Is Love Enough? | The inner anti-matter.

Is Love Enough?

English: Love question
Image via Wikipedia

“Them or Me?” – I pray that none of us find themselves standing at crossroads when they have to choose between two people.  This question will always rip someone apart – a situation than can only lead to a scar for the rest of their lives to all the parties – You (who has been asked to decide); the “Me” (who has asked you to make the choice); the “Them” (one who Questioner has decided to break all bonds).

 

Yet, if life brings us to that crossroads, it is unto us to make the decision and live with it the rest of our lives. Most often than not, we do not try to understand the “Me” as to why they are making this decision. We make all the efforts to understand what went wrong between the “Me” and “Them”, but we forget that the “Me” is beyond the point. If they have come to this, the battle has been lost and “You” can do nothing that can change their mind. All they are looking for at that time is support.

 

“You” forget that the “Me” asked “You”, because “You” matter in their lives. “Me” did not decide to just leave, “Me” asked “You” to join them to walk the path and share the pain. “Me” wants to be with “You” and try to heal the wound they have just given “You”. “Me” asked you to let go a part of your life, because “Me” does not want to let go of “You”.

 

If is then that “You” will have to decide is you can spend the rest of your life not hating “Me” for what they did. If you can not forgive in that very instant, then the war is lost. “You” will ask “Me” to forgive and let go, but “You” have to do this first and walk the path and make sure that they converge back.

 

One may argue, that the “Me” is not considerate towards the feelings of that someone special – yet “Me” chose “You”; if you think “Me” loves “You”, the question remains – do you? The question remains – if “You” would have asked that question, would “Me” be their for “You”.

 

One may argue, that “You” would never do this. And that is who “You” are. “Me” is who he/she is. If “You” can not live with for what they are (which might not be what they have been); then “You” have just witnessed the death of that relationship. “You” very well might choose “Them”. The question remains – do you want to live with “Me” and hate them or let go and love “Me” for what he/she was.

 

One may argue, that “Me” is not considering “Your” feelings and they are being stubborn on their irrational logic. One may argue that “Me” does not love “You” because they are ready to cause you pain and ignoring what “You” want. The question remains – “Do you love them”.

The question remains – “Is Love Enough”.

 

Effort vs. Value

A fellow blogger wrote about Income Inequality and in his post he also mentioned about glaring lack of demand for effort equality. The point as I understand John is trying to make is simple that while we seek incomes for everyone to be equal, we often forget the need for efforts to be same.

As I was reading this, only I was asking myself what is more important – the effort of the value. Someone who maybe more skillful can add more value for a significantly lesser effort.  thought came to my mind and this thought leads to several questions like Does the effort relates to what is being put in now or over a period of time? If effort put is

is effort more important than value?

Food for thought?

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia « Bizarre Prodigy

I like the idea of stopping online piracy and also to protect IP; but if that comes at a cost of stopping all free information I would be dammed.I did read what the acts say – SOPA and my simple and limited understanding I see that the objective is to stop piracy and ban sites that deal in such content. But, my worry is that a measure so strong will only give such powers that they will virtually control what goes online.

With great powers comes great responsibility

But, do Authorities follow this anymore?

via Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia « Bizarre Prodigy.

Unexpectd lie

Well, this is something that happened on March 3, 2011. I could not publish this at the time because I could have been in serious trouble with my company. But, I did write this on March 17, 2011 and scheduled this for a year later.

On March 3, 2011; I was scheduled to fly to US for the second leg of my assignment that started in July 2010. Since July 2010, there has been a lot of unrest within me and with my family over my travel. Of course, I had never been away from home for more than week, this was for about a year when it started. Now, it had come down to 5 months until July 2011 when my assignment ended.

However, I got ready with bags packed and everything. Dad and Preeti (my wife) accompanied me to the airport. I left my daughter home crying because she wanted to go with us to the airport. It was late in the night so no point bringing her along. She was 3 years back then and did not really understand that her Dad was going away for a longish period and she would only be able to talk on phone or a video chat.

I had left home in a state of flux and unrest, but this time it was more than what it was in July 2010. As I was driving to the Airport, everyone was silent and thinking something. I knew what I was thinking – “What can I do that this trip can be canceled?”.

As we were walking from the Parking I popped a question to Preeti – “Can we manage our household in case I do not go and get fired?” She was not sure. However, we continued to deliberate on this. We reached the Gate and then I asked the same question to Preeti and Dad. And next 20 minutes were hay-wire. Eventually the following happened:

We decided to cancel the trip and communicate on medical grounds to my boss. To safeguard my position, we spoke to Amit and Aparna who recommended that we go to a hospital and report the situation and get a medical certificate of the checkup. We started our trip back to the hospital and my dad called up Krishna and informed him about the same.

However, the events for the evening were not to end there. When we reached the hospital and I had my blood pressure measured (I have been recording a high BP for a week now); it was 160/110. And it was alarming. Eventually, the doctor suggested an ECG; which came to be normal. I was recommended some medicines and I came back home.

Since, then there has been a lot of thinking around should I go or not. The Blood pressure eventually normalized. I guess it was because of anxiety for last few weeks. These two weeks gave me time to think what to do and also to search for various jobs and see if there are opportunities for elsewhere to find.

I have never done this in my entire career and it took a lot of courage to do it; however it never went away and until now this comes back to haunt me – like I did something wrong.

I do not know, if what I did was wrong or right. It seemed right for my family. I am not sure, if it can be right for someone, if it started as being wrong.

P.S.: If you are wondering what happened after that, that is a story for another day.