Relationship between Expectations and Relationships

This is going to a controversial topic and I myself is not too sure in my head where this ends up. But something happened today that made me think about this. The bottom line question is:

What happens to a Relationship if you stop Expecting?

Does the relationship ends? When I think of a relationship between a parent and a child; a parent will definitely have some expectations from their children. But, if the child does not fulfill those expectations, the relation still continues to remain. The affection does not die.

In other scenario, when we are with friends or colleagues and we have certain expectations that do not come true; we tend to move away from that relationship and eventually it either dies or converts to a casual “hello”; which eventually ends. I believe the very first signs of the death appear when one stop talking or gets angry.

 

So, what happens in the first case? Is the love or the bond so strong that it can never end no matter what. Or the bond has grown so strong that it takes a blunder to destroy it?

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Relationships

Let us first have a look at what a relation is? In dictionary it has been defined as “The way in which two concepts, objects or people are connected.” With this if we look at relationship it becomes a state of being connected. Now again the dictionary gives the example as:

  • the state of being connected by blood or marriage
  • the way in which two people behave towards each other
  • an emotional and sexual association between two people

When I read the definitions given above I start to think that dictionary is just a way to teach words and not meaning of those words. Would a relationship mean the way it has been defined above. Though, I see the sentences saying all (by way of emotional association), I believe that relationship have a deeper meaning of words. I will quote some of the great thinkers and then we will see the difference:

  • Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the wealth, faithfulness the best relationship
  • Relationships are like crystals, you do not realize how much you love it until it breaks
  • Death ends a life, not a relationship

Reading the last two, I think what was missing in the definitions that were put forward in the earlier post? I think emotions and the human touch to it. I believe that every time you meet someone you make a new relationship, but what it means to you it for you to decide. You can take a hello to a marriage or companionship and you can take a friendship to hatred. The reasons can be different, but what is important that we need to know how to honor each of our relationships. That can be enmity or love, but doing justice to that is an art not everyone has. People have various tendencies towards approaching every situation, but what it comes down to is the fact how one wants to live their life!!

People around many a times ask questions on why two people (a boy and a girl) are roaming around frequently. My answer is; that is what people do. This bring me to thinking, why can not people see a relationship just like any other thing… why does it always have to boil down to this between opposite sex. Why? I dont think anyone on this earth would have an answer and I will not try to answer this one; actually I am not in a position to answer this as I do not think that a relationship to be like this. But this leaves me surprised nevertheless.

I will take some examples of very divine relationships (or that is what people call them) – “Mother and a Child”, “Brother and a Sister”, “Husband and a Wife” and “Friends”. I will not spend time talking about the first 3, because those are the easy ones. Let us talk about “Friends” – does it mean a “Boy and a Boy” and/or “Girl and a Girl” or can it also mean “Boy and a Girl”. Well it seems the society around is still caught in the moment where they do not think that the last one even exists. Believe me friendship is the most emotional relationship that you can be in. All others relations that you have you have known each other for a very long time or you stay with the person. So, how difficult is it to keep the relationship sour? My wife says to me “How long can I remain upset with you; we share the same bedroom.” and she is damn right.

But, when it comes to “friends”, this is where a person’s ability to carry on and honor the relationship is tested. You will not meet friends for long time, and talk to them sometimes, but you will be able to talk to them just as you never were apart the next time you meet. Is it that not a sign of a more strong bond than anything? Why can two people of opposite sex not have this between them? Is it written somewhere? or is there something that I am missing.

Seems that I will continue to live in a world of my own and continue to find people, who believe in the same thing as I do. Or will I have to change myself one fine day.

Faith

These set of thoughts triggered from

  • A thread on Facebook between Preeti and I. Preeti wrote “I hope God listens to my prayers as well…”
  • A discussion with a fellow blogger

Have you ever thought why we say – “We stopped believing” but say “We lost Trust

I will start by providing an analogy of a relationship between a parent and a child. A game that I have played with Aabhya for first couple of years since her birth is where I used to throw her up in the air and catch her mid-air or when I asked her to stand/sit on a desk and ask her to jump where I would catch her. She used to laugh when I used to do that.

As she turned 2.5/3 years when I try doing that, she starts saying no; almost instantly and says “Papa mujhe darr lag raha hai (Dad, I am getting scared)”. I just can’t get her to play this game with me any more. She realizes that falling down will hurt her and an injury will bring pain with itself.

Any reasons why her behavior changed. When she was young, she didn’t understand certain things like pain, injury and that there is a risk in the game that she can fall. She was innocent and trusted me with everything. But, as she grew up and became knowledgeable, her mind tells her about the risk and adds fear to her heart and mind. She somehow still knows that I don’t want to hurt her but the Faith of letting herself go is gone. She now believes in me; where as she had Faith in me earlier. She has started to question my ways.

I relate this analogy  to a person and God. When a person is just a child, he has parents to shield them of problems and tough times. There are many, but parents will not allow most of them to pass on to the child. A child would think “All izz well” (from 3 Idiots), but there are matters he will not know are wrong. Then the person grows in an adult and life becomes more challenging – we got to get a good job, earn lots of money to support our family; find a girl-friend; then find a life partner and always try to keep things working. And, during this time; not everything happens as we expected and we start questioning ways of God. People forget the time when things went right for them – that is what life is – you win some; you loose some.

So what is Faith?

To me Faith is about “Believing is Seeing”. Kids do not have to see Santa to believe in him. But we adults would say – come one that is just a story. I feel there is some magic out there which is greater than everything something that no one can explain. No one ever sees God. Every religion talks about Avatars as incarnations of God to come and help God; but there has to be a higher power that runs this world. Why I say “Believing is Seeing” because this is the basic essence of Life. I say so because

Science is about inventions and now they all are facts. But, someone did invented it (electricity, telephone) did not have facts that this exists. They believed. They did not see it. For that one person who invested it – “Believing is Seeing”. Others who saw it it was fact.

And also, because of one instance that I gathered many years ago which can be found on another link on my blog – read this article where it is claimed that Albert Einstein challenged an atheist professor on “Existence of Evil“.

Every day of my life when I take up a task, I believe in myself that I can do it even before I have taken it up. I do not say this once I have done it. Look at prominent figures who have achieved a lot – they all say “I had belief in myself that I can do it”. They had not seen them achieve the heights of glory; they believed. They had Faith.

I will wrap this post with a continuation of the analogy earlier. I seek Faith from my daughter. Many a times I say No to her because it is not good for her and I will continue to do this for the rest of her life and mine. Similarly, my parents have been doing this to me all my life. There are so many “NO”s that we have to deal with. A parent seeks Faith from their child but does not understands that this is exactly what God seeks from us. God always answers your prayers – the answer sometimes is no.

Have you ever thought why we say – “We stopped believing” but say “We lost Trust”. Is this just coincidence or is there is a higher magic why the words have been put this way.