Today i saw an email go out which has details of some deployment to a certain group of people who would have no clue what is in there because we haven’t enabled them on them yet. It’s a well established process that has been running for about a few years now (I suppose).
My immediate question was if i was to get the same email about another project “why do I need this information?”; even if i understood the “What”, there is nothing around “why” apart from the fact that someone wants me to be informed. because I would not know the Why, the information will not make it into my head and if anyone was to ask me anything about it, I will have to go back and find that email (which i wont be able to find).
maybe just we don’t care.
unless you shift the conversation to why, you can initiate a change.
we are tuned to be working with “what” for far too long (we just want to know everything), so much so that we have forgotten to ask the “Why?”; maybe it’s too much trouble trying to get the answer, maybe we know we will not like the answer so we don’t ask; or maybe we don’t ask because we assume the other person doesn’t know or maybe just we don’t care.
It’s critical we understand the “Why” because only then we can reason the underlying logic and we will be able to argue the merits of doing it one way or doing it another way; only then we can talk about the reasons around the resources we have and why those will help us succeed or fail.
Recently, i told someone that i stopped blogging because I need time to frame my thoughts and when i sit to write down it takes me hours to compile a thought i a manner that it would make sense and i am happy with it. what was happening that in the process of getting the “perfect post”, I would not get anything up there.
once again, i find myself at a time where my head is crowded with several things and i can not really make up my mind. And i need someone to bounce of my ideas to be able to get my head sorted out. Of course while I can (will) speak to my wife, I need a way to go back and view the structure of how i am thinking. This space has been a good way for me to write down what I am thinking and it has always helped, but like always I am charred with this being global and vary about how this may impact when people read about it. So of course while I construct my thinking, I find the need to be politically correct and this is becoming a more of a burden than anything.
I want to take a leap of faith and just go with the flow and see what happens.
One of my colleagues left my organization and moved on to do bigger things in his life. While there have been a lot of GoodBye emails in past, this is the first time that someone took time to write to me a personal good bye/thank you note. This is what he had to say and it felt proud that I made a difference.
As you may already be aware that I have decided to move on in my career in search for a more exciting career opportunity. I am writing this email to you, to say goodbye and thank you for your support during our stint together in RIC.
Our first correspondence happened during the AEM training delivered by you and your team and believe me, I was left in awe. It gave me a clear indication of the great leadership that Sapient has. With you moving in to lead the RIC account, I got another great opportunity to learn from you. I always looked forward to our technical discussions, because they helped me shape the approach that I should have while solving a problem.
Seldom in our lives, we meet people who we can call ‘Influencers’. They impact your lives (professionally or personally) in a lot of ways and I can safely say that you have been an influencer for me. In many ways, you are an inspiration for me and have shown me a clear direction to move my career. I hope one day, I can be half as good as you are. I deeply admire, not only your technical but also your leadership skills. The only thing that is constant in life is change, but the memories of working with an inspirational person like you would never go.
I hope I get another chance to work with you in future, after all it’s a very small world.
Last month, I went back to using an Android (Sony Xperia Z) from using an iPhone 5 (reasons apart). As I moved through the transition I realized while Android had a lot of features, the feel of an Apple was missing. At this point, I was forced to using my phone. But, this “forced behavior” essentially told me to ask myself a more fundamental question – “How was using my devices?” I had an iPad mini that I had purchased for “something”, and then I had an iPod that I used for listening to songs and during workout and then here I had this phone as well.
In the past, I was doing pretty much everything on my iPhone – check emails, read blogs, play games, etc. Now, given that I didnt like my phone too much, I decided this was time to get my iPad into the mix and I decided that I will not configure emails on my Android phone (BTW – this allowed me to use some of advanced features of my phone). I ended up installing emails 4 times and every time I installed it, i went back to removing it in matter of minutes. I had to force myself // I had to push myself to try the change.
And now here I am 3 weeks out when I have successfully got accustomed to not using emails on my phone // there is a specific usage I have for my phone and then iPad is utilized a lot more // my iPod is not used for training purposes (yeah i started to run again). Most importantly, i am not hooked on to my office all the time like i was on my cell phone. I pick up my iPad soemtimes when I want to and I am sort of happy to put the worries of office in my bag and allow someone to call me if there is a fire.
Today, I am changing yet another habbit // when I am trying to do is rather annoying but I am going to stay with it and see if I can change yet 1 more thing in my life.
I blogged about this incident a couple of days back and as I said back then – I had realized that something had been done. So I did do something. And it was ridiculously simple.
I shared my feeling and how I much I was hurt with the communication. Then I left for the person to ponder over it and decide for him/herself if he/she wants to do something about it or not. I realized this was not my problem really // it not is today, it never was ever. I shared my perspective and let the person deal with it, and that is needed only if they think this is a problem.
Well since morning I am feeling so much lighter // and i never imaged I could be at peace so quick. This makes me belief, maybe I did the right thing 🙂
I am observing a similar phenomena around me once more and this time it is more prominent than it has ever been. Whenever there is something we need to do, it seems that I am thinking of a more holistic solution to the problem than anyone else. Everyone has a lens could be cost, or could be time, or could be ignorance but i am just unable to find people around me who would be ready to go out on a limb and do something better. There are some folks who are great, support and empathize but then there are some who just don’t seem to get my view.
I was wondering today – when does this “pushing” of mine would start to make people think “God! Kapil just makes things so much difficult. Why can’t he just do it, and not push, push, push”. To some extent, I believe people are already asking. I perceive so because now when I send emails, either people don’t respond back or their answer is so transactional. Sometimes it seems, i have just pushed on the pedal on my Vento Diesel and have vorooomeeedd so fast for a Alto to even think of catching me.
The question I am asking myself now is – “Do I continue to deliver excellence irrespective what people maybe thinking? Or is it time to move on and do something fresh?” Or is there a way around which is keep going through the grind and keep pushing until the wall is moved?
Yesterday someone escalated to my bosses why I did take a proactive measure to find something that could be wrong in one of my applications. The email communication ended when the person replied as follows:
[quote align=”center” color=”#999999″]I agree this is ridiculous seeing a Sr. Arc on the project look for escape route and not owning things.[/quote]
The email didn’t end here (someday I may decide to make it public) and it went on to attacking me personally and not on the elements around which the matter existed. For the most part of yesterday I was angry and was itching to reply back, but I decided not to. Something told me that if the person wasn’t able to reason with the elements till now, nothing that I would say will help the person understand the reason.
Today morning when I was thinking as to why was I angry and disturbed because of what someone would call me – was it because it was a public assault on my personality, was it because I didnt take the ownership, was it because I wrote something that demanded this kind of a personal attack.
I am not going to write back and fall to the level the other person has stopped to – it is not my nature. I was harsh in my messaging but nothing that I argued was outside the elements / facts on the table. What was pissing me off the whole time – this was a simple task and we weren’t able to get it done because we didn’t have the people for the job and then also that this finally became my problem of ownership because I did wanted to do something. An idea struck me not considering the timing of our daily calls when I could have discussed this with a larger group. I chose to send an email where the right people were involved – yet this blew up and it was my accountability or why I didn’t think of this idea per the schedule of our daily calls.
Upon much pondering, it boils down to one point – what am I going to do about it. I have been that hard headed SOB who would keep going at it all the time with endless emails and communications. I have trying being the best kind – “lets play it politically correct” and keep taking the crap-shoot that keeps getting thrown at me. I am done spending countless days and night thinking that this is not the situation I am in. I realize I get the crap that I allow people to send at me. I am better at this. I am not a rock-star, but I am not one who doesn’t takes ownership of my decisions. I haven’t passed on accountability till date and I got to stop making others accountable for my miserable self.
Retaliating back is not the answer. neither responses like “Go and work this out” are going to do this time. This is not my problem – and I need to let people know they got to fix their problem else they have a much bigger one on their hand. I let people make from tough choices.
So what am I going to do? I am going to sit this one out for a couple of weeks and work on alienating my anger from the real issue on hand. Then I am going to go about solving this problem like I go about solving any other. Problem you should be worried, because when I put my mind to solving something, always that problem goes away.
P.S.: If you haven’t already seen this episode is a must have that tells the exasperation I have been going through all this time.