I have spent a lot of time pondering “what do I want“, “am I on the right path” and “what is the best thing for me to do“. And, it is when I am asking myself all these questions that I find myself so “unhappy“. I have made many plans with my life, but they all last for a short while because eventually in the end, I find myself loosing interest in the activity – it can be sports, trying a new kind of work style and even television and gaming. It is just that I have not found that one thing that can keep me content with what I got.
And, still I dont know what will?
There are some days, when I dont seem to like anything and I am simply quiet – not speaking and simply looking at the TV aimlessly. And the very next morning, I am back to myself – trying to take a crack at the first person I see. And between these mood swings there is not even a single event. It simply changes over time; and a short period of time as well. However, one thing is common when all that happens is that I do not have enough on my mind; actually my mind is idle of any kind of work for last couple of days and then this happens. Last week on Friday, I realized through a discussion with Preeti a complex relationship between “What” and “Why”.
Every Why happens before a What.
I believe that I always knew about it, but somehow I was allowing myself to digress too much on the Whys after that What; especially when I had no control over the “what”. In all the cases, when I have allowed myself to tumble down the mood drain, it has always (or mostly) to do with the fact I was troubled with the factors that I can not influence and control.
I know now that I need a plan that keeps me on track to a better me. And this time, I am going to make one