How we feel is something that we cant control – or at least not at the very beginning. We may be able to over a period of time to control our emotions, but when something happens at that point how you feel tells you who you are what the other person means to you. Friendship is one such thing.
Over my life I have heard many people say “she is my best friend” or “he is my bestest friend” or “we have been good friends for an entire lifetime”. I have always just said “he/she is my friend”, i was never able to categorize. For me either you are a friend or a classmate/colleague.
I have known many people especially through school, college and various jobs but only a few people outside of my family who have moved into the second decade – Rajat, Shallja, Deepika, Samita, Pankaj and Prashanth. None of them are from my school or college. Couple of them are from NIIT and rest from my first jobs. And, then there are a few other who have come close to either getting moved over or are still in the first decade but are in the zone – Naina, Sitija, Anubhav, Babul, Bhawana, Raminder, Praveen, Nikhil, and Sachin.
Over a period of time, we have all moved on with our life and we have got busy and have spoken less over the time. However, even now when I see their name on the screen of phone I feel delighted, and I look forward to speaking to and call them when I can.
Sorry guys for the context, and no matter how much this seems irrelevant, it is important for me to get to my primary thoughts.
The friends who have moved to the 2nd decade are the ones, for who I feel happy or sad based on what I hear. I no longer expect them to call me as the first person when something big happens in their life. I am happy that they remember me and in no particular order. I believe that if they have been unable to tell me about something, they had a reason, and when we meet I just congratulate them or share my sympathies and not worry about why was I not told about it. I just do not worry about where I am in their priorities, because I know I am a part of their life and when if I am not needed today it is because my friend is struggling with a part of life where they need me to around for them to reach out. I no longer offer my support, I just offer my companionship.
We weren’t friends overnight, but it took time; it was built. It took commitment to make it work. The journey to this stage of our Friendship is what held the ingredients for a successful friendship. It started off with a mutual association and a mutual liking for each other’s company. It built on top of trust and honesty in all our dealings especially when at work. We made sure that we were fair to each other and kept our personal lives independent of the professional ones. It was built on understanding, that we were a part of their lives but ones priorities are always changing. It was built on faith that when we need them they will be around and if they can not be, they will tell us why.
So, now when I hear about a “friend”, and my first emotion is not to be happy for them, I know it is not friendship. I just know – I don’t understand why I was not remembered; how come I am not remembered every time. I know it is time to let go. I know we are not friends any more, we are just “ex-colleagues”.
- The Value Of Good Friendships (cindyholman.wordpress.com)