The choice to live or die

Last week brought with itself a great learning experience for me; it was more of a self-realization. I did something that I never thought I would do. More surprisingly, I can bet all that I have that my family would not have even thought I would do that too. I have always lived my life from my heart and I have been happy as well or mostly. It is now that I have started to realize the number of hearts that I may have been breaking. There is a a famous saying:

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

But if you commit the mistake of doing so, then remember that

“There is, in addition to a courage with which men die, a courage by which men must live.”

I have many people in my life who are my priority and I know I am not their option. But, the second quote still is very close to my heart because I need courage daily to deal with the curve balls that life has planned for me. One of them is Death.
With 32 years already spent in this life, what I do not know is how many more do I have? But, that is the least of my worries, because when I am gone, all my troubles are gone as well :-).  What I am worried is that how much time do I have with people around me? Some say it is not good to think this way, but that is the truth of life. Sometimes I sit and think of death, I remember what my Dad said to me once – Parents should always die before their children. The pain of loosing a child is unbearable. I believe that it can not be lesser than pain of loosing a parent. I do not know that yet, but one day I will have to bear that pain. Then, I think if I want to die first and give that pain to my kid or my wife? If given a choice, I would want to be  Paul Egdecomb from The Green Mile; who lives so long that everyone around him dies. I want to be the one who takes all the pain.

Advertisements