The Demon inside me

My family has been telling me for years now that I have the Anger of my father and fore-fathers. Yet, until recently I never thought of doing something about it. I did not see it a as something that needs to be fixed – I just had it and it was a trait of my personality. Until, recently when a thought stuck me and I realized that this needs to be fixed as it is not keeping me happy.

My Dog is my Demon and than demon comes out in the shape of the Anger.

 

I have to narrate an analogy of a person and his belongings and how a person would go about protecting their belongings before I can explain how I see myself and how I have trained my demon. The complete story is herehttp://blog.kapilvirenahuja.com/2012/01/06/the-demon-inside-me/.

A Plan that I do not have

I have spent a lot of time pondering “what do I want“, “am I on the right path” and “what is the best thing for me to do“. And, it is when I am asking myself all these questions that I find myself so “unhappy“. I have made many plans with my life, but they all last for a short while because eventually in the end, I find myself loosing interest in the activity – it can be sports, trying a new kind of work style and even television and gaming. It is just that I have not found that one thing that can keep me content with what I got. And, still I dont know what will? There are some days, when I dont seem to like anything and I am simply quiet – not speaking and simply looking at the TV aimlessly. And the very…

Success is like a fart, you can tolerate your own

no fart sign

Image via Wikipedia

It is important to start by saying that I do not believe in this statement. This is what I read a few days ago on someone’s Facebook wall (I don’t remember who; not that it matters).

But I do want to point out that people who believe in this statement are the ones from who you can expect a lot of office politics because these are the kinds of people who will do anything to keep you down and out in office, these are the people who spend time in thinking how to make other’s life miserable and not work towards the greater cause. These are the people who are not leaders because leaders believe in growing together.

If you ever come against someone who believes in this in your office try to stay away and done be a jerk.

Street Encounters

Several times I have encountered homeless people – men, women and kids on roads. They walk up to me and look straight into my eyes. Everytime that happens, my heart starts to race and a conflict starts withing me. They say in several ways, but their eyes say the same thing – I am a fellow being and not doing well and am not as lucky as you. My mind and heart start to battle between helping and denial that this can also happen.

Living in Delhi for my entire life, I have learned to keep away from people. It is common to be asked for money and them scammed out of valuables from your car or be mugged. Like many people eventually I have been able to stop paying attention to all this solicitation. It took me a while, but now I am able to not pay any attention and just do whatever I am doing. At times, I barely hear them. It is like a construction noise you hear for months on end from a neighbor’s house being re-built.

Once that happens, and the person realizes that I am not going to care, they turn their attention to the next car/person and I am once again invisible. I just wish I was able to help these people. And, I am still searching for answers. I do try to reply by associating myself with some charitable institutes and help kids and/or women. However, every time I see a homeless people I just with there was a way to help them – maybe I just have not found it yet.

Dance with the Devil

Keep in mind if you have to dance with the devil, you don’t have to bring him home or allow him to rub off on you. Many times you have to work with people you don’t like or trust, but they are part of the group that you must deal with to accomplish your goal. You don’t have to be like them, only understand how to interact with them to get what you want. You leave them at the workplace or wherever you have to deal with them.

A little trick that people have said works is: put your office problems in an imaginary box outside the office when you leave office and pick them up when you are arriving into office. Do the same with the home issues as well.

Leaders or just Managers?

Recalling an incident from 2007, it reminds me of the ideology of being “emotional for your work and company”. The phrase comes to mind – “Married to the company”.

In the past I have tried to be very emotional around my work, but a couple of discussions back in 2008 with a Senior Project Manager and a Director made me realize a few things. And now when I contemplate those things back and see similar things happening elsewhere too.

My assessment back then was that being emotional towards work and company (someone else) will only hurt me in the end. In the past I had worked almost twice the tenure with my company. For the 4 years I spent, my time spent working clocked to almost 8 years. No doubts that I was learning a lot, but the mistakes I did was that I was emotional about my work. I used to put that in front of everything else in my life. The rewards were good too – money, position etc. Until the day my project started to do South. A meeting that I had with a Senior Project Manager (Manish) around my future role on the project made me realize that he was going to sacrifice a human interest for the betterment of the project. He is a very successful manager in the organization and is very talented too.

A year later in 2008, another meeting made me realize that the company will choose to pay new hires more than what I am getting because I enjoy the Goodwill in the organization. I was not fully sure how to respond back then. But, I realize now that this is how every company operates. What I fail to understand is how that works out. A company/manager chooses to pay less to an existing employee who has done well for them and has generated results in the past; someone who knows the domain and the company. How can a manager/company let go of that person and go about finding a replacement only to give that new person a higher compensation and in the process spend a lot more on training and opportunity.

Maybe, this is a trait of a successful manager, I do not believe that this is a trait for a good leader. I have not done any MBA, but all these people who are running companies around me are MBAs from IIMs and other premier institutes. I do not understand the rationale behind it.

Relationship between Expectations and Relationships

This is going to a controversial topic and I myself is not too sure in my head where this ends up. But something happened today that made me think about this. The bottom line question is:

What happens to a Relationship if you stop Expecting?

Does the relationship ends? When I think of a relationship between a parent and a child; a parent will definitely have some expectations from their children. But, if the child does not fulfill those expectations, the relation still continues to remain. The affection does not die.

In other scenario, when we are with friends or colleagues and we have certain expectations that do not come true; we tend to move away from that relationship and eventually it either dies or converts to a casual “hello”; which eventually ends. I believe the very first signs of the death appear when one stop talking or gets angry.

 

So, what happens in the first case? Is the love or the bond so strong that it can never end no matter what. Or the bond has grown so strong that it takes a blunder to destroy it?