I did something

I blogged about this incident a couple of days back and as I said back then – I had realized that something had been done. So I did do something. And it was ridiculously simple.

I shared my feeling and how I much I was hurt with the communication. Then I left for the person to ponder over it and decide for him/herself if he/she wants to do something about it or not. I realized this was not my problem really // it not is today, it never was ever. I shared my perspective and let the person deal with it, and that is needed only if they think this is a problem.

Well since morning I am feeling so much lighter // and i never imaged I could be at peace so quick. This makes me belief, maybe I did the right thing :)

 

maths

maths (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

The Wait ~ now the surprise.

I had plans to get a new car for a while now and i finally made the decision early April 2013 to get one and started the hunt for the next one that I am going to love like the previous ones I have loved. This is going to be my new car – not the same color that I am going to get you should give you an idea of what I am getting in next few days.

volkswagen-vento

volkswagen-vento

 

Well, I have the paperwork done and all the money (down-payment) has been spent. But, I am still waiting for the car to be delivered. I am not sure what the wait is, but I was promised that I will get car before April 27th and here it is end of the month and I am still waiting. I had a chat with the dealer and he is now telling me that the car would be delivered on or after May 3rd and truly this is pissing me off.

 

I have been one of those impatient types – like to get things as soon as i decide what I am going to get – and this time I did try to put up a strong front and wait for the color that I wanted (there were actual two; one of them being my first preference, but the backup is good too). But, then eventually, I Was presented with an option that I can go for my second preferred color and get the car earlier, but then somehow it went into stalemate again.

 

Today, I was informed that my car is in transit and i dont know which color I am getting; for the first time I have detached myself at the very beginning with the waiting part. I still need that car quick, but I am done waiting, I will just let the dealer surprise me!!

Two wrongs don’t make a right

Last year, I had the opportunity of working with some distinct groups of people. Both groups having folks who are masters in their domain; own the people and provide them to people like me who own delivering projects; have their own growth paths where no inputs are sought form us kind of stuff.

 

When I last worked with those groups, we concluded an assignment and we decided that we would reward the team working on the assignment with small token of appreciation. The token eventually turned out to be much more significant in value that we initially had planned for. However, when I was planning the list of people who should get the same or not, we decided not to include the external groups for some reasons mentioned above aka how they engaged with us, they had their own way of rewarding people that my core team didn’t have. However, the rewards went out and immediately there was a huge hue and cry where as to why those people were excluded. The debate lasted for almost 2 months and finally we decided to pick a few people from those groups and gave them the same reward.

 

I was sitting today, thinking about the situation in context of something else and i ended up thinking what i would have done if I was the part of that group. I tried to put myself in their shoes and here is how I am playing this in my head right now:

 

As a worker bee – basically a person who comes in and get the work done. As a worker bee, I would be disappointed that I worked so hard for someone and they didn’t consider me for a reward. My effort would have felt little and i would have felt cheated. At the very least, I would have expected some communication.

 

As a leader – someone who leads the group and may not have bene involved day in – day out on the project and looks at things from a distance. I would not have any expectation from that other team a reward for me although I might have been providing leadership. I didn’t do anything to make it evident that I was adding value apart from the fact that I was around (or maybe that was the value). But, then if i was a leader on the team, I would have first opened a dialogue with that other team to first understand their perspective and not launch an attack which happened in this case.

 

The way the leaders on the team played out was – we are offended, you did a bad job, include us or else. Is that really the leadership that one would want to provide. It only went ahead to add distance between the two teams who once interacted very well. I agree that I was at fault as well by not communicating and leaving it to a point when they had to react to it – i could have been more collaborative. But, I would not have done what was done on the other side. Two wrongs done make a right and this one didn’t. There was a reason why those groups didn’t get any rewards and those reasons were important to be communicated. No one did that; no one tried to make it happen.

Two wrongs don’t make a right – in this case it certainly didn’t. And even today after several months since the equation – I have this open nagging feeling in my head – we didn’t work as leaders (me and that other group) to let the people know what was right. We just acted and reacted.

Is Love Enough? via The inner anti-matter

“Them or Me?” – I pray that none of us find themselves standing at crossroads

English: Love question

when they have to choose between two people. This question will always rip someone apart – a situation than can only lead to a scar for the rest of their lives to all the parties – You (who has been asked to decide); the “Me” (who has asked you to make the choice); the “Them” (one who Questioner has decided to break all bonds).

Yet, if life brings us to that crossroads, it is unto us to make the decision and live with it the rest of our lives. Most often than not, we do not try to understand the “Me” as to why they are making this decision. We make all the efforts to understand what went wrong between the “Me” and “Them”, but we forget that the “Me” is beyond the point. If they have come to this, the battle has been lost and “You” can do nothing that can change their mind. All they are looking for at that time is support.

“You” forget that the “Me” asked “You”, because “You” matter in their lives. “Me” did not decide to just leave, “Me” asked “You” to join them to walk the path and share the pain. “Me” wants to be with “You” and try to heal the wound they have just given “You”. “Me” asked you to let go a part of your life, because “Me” does not want to let go of “You”.

If is then that “You” will have to decide is you can spend the rest of your life not hating “Me” for what they did. If you can not forgive in that very instant, then the war is lost. “You” will ask “Me” to forgive and let go, but “You” have to do this first and walk the path and make sure that they converge back.

One may argue, that the “Me” is not considerate towards the feelings of that someone special – yet “Me” chose “You”; if you think “Me” loves “You”, the question remains – do you? The question remains – if “You” would have asked that question, would “Me” be their for “You”.

One may argue, that “You” would never do this. And that is who “You” are. “Me” is who he/she is. If “You” can not live with for what they are (which might not be what they have been); then “You” have just witnessed the death of that relationship. “You” very well might choose “Them”. The question remains – do you want to live with “Me” and hate them or let go and love “Me” for what he/she was.

One may argue, that “Me” is not considering “Your” feelings and they are being stubborn on their irrational logic. One may argue that “Me” does not love “You” because they are ready to cause you pain and ignoring what “You” want. The question remains – “Do you love them”.

The question remains – “Is Love Enough”.

via Is Love Enough? | The inner anti-matter.

Is Love Enough?

English: Love question

Image via Wikipedia

“Them or Me?” – I pray that none of us find themselves standing at crossroads when they have to choose between two people.  This question will always rip someone apart – a situation than can only lead to a scar for the rest of their lives to all the parties – You (who has been asked to decide); the “Me” (who has asked you to make the choice); the “Them” (one who Questioner has decided to break all bonds).

 

Yet, if life brings us to that crossroads, it is unto us to make the decision and live with it the rest of our lives. Most often than not, we do not try to understand the “Me” as to why they are making this decision. We make all the efforts to understand what went wrong between the “Me” and “Them”, but we forget that the “Me” is beyond the point. If they have come to this, the battle has been lost and “You” can do nothing that can change their mind. All they are looking for at that time is support.

 

“You” forget that the “Me” asked “You”, because “You” matter in their lives. “Me” did not decide to just leave, “Me” asked “You” to join them to walk the path and share the pain. “Me” wants to be with “You” and try to heal the wound they have just given “You”. “Me” asked you to let go a part of your life, because “Me” does not want to let go of “You”.

 

If is then that “You” will have to decide is you can spend the rest of your life not hating “Me” for what they did. If you can not forgive in that very instant, then the war is lost. “You” will ask “Me” to forgive and let go, but “You” have to do this first and walk the path and make sure that they converge back.

 

One may argue, that the “Me” is not considerate towards the feelings of that someone special – yet “Me” chose “You”; if you think “Me” loves “You”, the question remains – do you? The question remains – if “You” would have asked that question, would “Me” be their for “You”.

 

One may argue, that “You” would never do this. And that is who “You” are. “Me” is who he/she is. If “You” can not live with for what they are (which might not be what they have been); then “You” have just witnessed the death of that relationship. “You” very well might choose “Them”. The question remains – do you want to live with “Me” and hate them or let go and love “Me” for what he/she was.

 

One may argue, that “Me” is not considering “Your” feelings and they are being stubborn on their irrational logic. One may argue that “Me” does not love “You” because they are ready to cause you pain and ignoring what “You” want. The question remains – “Do you love them”.

The question remains – “Is Love Enough”.

 

Unexpectd lie

Well, this is something that happened on March 3, 2011. I could not publish this at the time because I could have been in serious trouble with my company. But, I did write this on March 17, 2011 and scheduled this for a year later.

On March 3, 2011; I was scheduled to fly to US for the second leg of my assignment that started in July 2010. Since July 2010, there has been a lot of unrest within me and with my family over my travel. Of course, I had never been away from home for more than week, this was for about a year when it started. Now, it had come down to 5 months until July 2011 when my assignment ended.

However, I got ready with bags packed and everything. Dad and Preeti (my wife) accompanied me to the airport. I left my daughter home crying because she wanted to go with us to the airport. It was late in the night so no point bringing her along. She was 3 years back then and did not really understand that her Dad was going away for a longish period and she would only be able to talk on phone or a video chat.

I had left home in a state of flux and unrest, but this time it was more than what it was in July 2010. As I was driving to the Airport, everyone was silent and thinking something. I knew what I was thinking – “What can I do that this trip can be canceled?”.

As we were walking from the Parking I popped a question to Preeti – “Can we manage our household in case I do not go and get fired?” She was not sure. However, we continued to deliberate on this. We reached the Gate and then I asked the same question to Preeti and Dad. And next 20 minutes were hay-wire. Eventually the following happened:

We decided to cancel the trip and communicate on medical grounds to my boss. To safeguard my position, we spoke to Amit and Aparna who recommended that we go to a hospital and report the situation and get a medical certificate of the checkup. We started our trip back to the hospital and my dad called up Krishna and informed him about the same.

However, the events for the evening were not to end there. When we reached the hospital and I had my blood pressure measured (I have been recording a high BP for a week now); it was 160/110. And it was alarming. Eventually, the doctor suggested an ECG; which came to be normal. I was recommended some medicines and I came back home.

Since, then there has been a lot of thinking around should I go or not. The Blood pressure eventually normalized. I guess it was because of anxiety for last few weeks. These two weeks gave me time to think what to do and also to search for various jobs and see if there are opportunities for elsewhere to find.

I have never done this in my entire career and it took a lot of courage to do it; however it never went away and until now this comes back to haunt me – like I did something wrong.

I do not know, if what I did was wrong or right. It seemed right for my family. I am not sure, if it can be right for someone, if it started as being wrong.

P.S.: If you are wondering what happened after that, that is a story for another day.

Why this Kolavari Di?

Risk

Image by The Fayj via Flickr

Start of the Last month of year 2011 posed a very challenging and a life altering situation. I was provided with a choice to let go of my current career and dive into a brand new career to start a journey towards a hopefully better tomorrow. It was something that I have been thinking for almost 8 years now.

It all started off in August 2011, when with lots of questions and challenges and us knowing that we have to follow a path that will lead us to success. However, four months down the line it all crumbled (will be lost in a few days) just because I was not upto it when the time demanded it – or so I chose to. I was asked to “Risk it all” and I was just not ready. Either ways, it was life altering – it showed me who I am and helps me understand the level of risk I am willing to take.

The good part is that it brought in open a side of me that I was not aware of – “Absolute Calm when everything around me was blowing up”. I did not panic and started to run all over. I was calm and tried everything that I possibly could to save my initiative. Until, I was left with only one option – let go of my career and jump in to take control. But, the risk was just too high. I had so many lives attached to mine that it was putting everything at risk and not just my career.

Somehow, my biggest takeaway from all this a newly found confidence that re-affirms my faith in myself that I can still do it. But also allows me to realize that it is something that I will not do at the risk of my family – no matter how much it may disappoint me.