This time I got to do something about it

Yesterday someone escalated to my bosses why I did take a proactive measure to find something that could be wrong in one of my applications. The email communication ended when the person replied as follows:

English: A metaphorical visualization of the w...

English: A metaphorical visualization of the word Anger. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

[quote align=”center” color=”#999999″]I agree this is ridiculous seeing a Sr. Arc on the project look for escape route and not owning things.[/quote]

 

The email didn’t end here (someday I may decide to make it public) and it went on to attacking me personally and not on the elements around which the matter existed. For the most part of yesterday I was angry and was itching to reply back, but I decided not to. Something told me that if the person wasn’t able to reason with the elements till now, nothing that I would say will help the person understand the reason.

 

Today morning when I was thinking as to why was I angry and disturbed because of what someone would call me – was it because it was a public assault on my personality, was it because I didnt take the ownership, was it because I wrote something that demanded this kind of a personal attack.

 

I am not going to write back and fall to the level the other person has stopped to – it is not my nature. I was harsh in my messaging but nothing that I argued was outside the elements / facts on the table. What was pissing me off the whole time – this was a simple task and we weren’t able to get it done because we didn’t have the people for the job and then also that this finally became my problem of ownership because I did wanted to do something. An idea struck me not considering the timing of our daily calls when I could have discussed this with a larger group. I chose to send an email where the right people were involved – yet this blew up and it was my accountability or why I didn’t think of this idea per the schedule of our daily calls.

 

Upon much pondering, it boils down to one point – what am I going to do about it. I have been that hard headed SOB who would keep going at it all the time with endless emails and communications. I have trying being the best kind – “lets play it politically correct” and keep taking the crap-shoot that keeps getting thrown at me. I am done spending countless days and night thinking that this is not the situation I am in. I realize I get the crap that I allow people to send at me. I am better at this. I am not a rock-star, but I am not one who doesn’t takes ownership of my decisions. I haven’t passed on accountability till date and I got to stop making others accountable for my miserable self.

Retaliating back is not the answer. neither responses like “Go and work this out” are going to do this time. This is not my problem – and I need to let people know they got to fix their problem else they have a much bigger one on their hand. I let people make from tough choices.

So what am I going to do? I am going to sit this one out for a couple of weeks and work on alienating my anger from the real issue on hand. Then I am going to go about solving this problem like I go about solving any other. Problem you should be worried, because when I put my mind to solving something, always that problem goes away.

 

P.S.: If you haven’t already seen this episode is a must have that tells the exasperation I have been going through all this time.

The Demon inside me

My family has been telling me for years now that I have the Anger of my father and fore-fathers. Yet, until recently I never thought of doing something about it. I did not see it a as something that needs to be fixed – I just had it and it was a trait of my personality. Until, recently when a thought stuck me and I realized that this needs to be fixed as it is not keeping me happy.

In the years 2008-2011, I had been getting more and more patient – being able focus on things that really mattered. However, my actions brought a not so welcome change  – I have been getting quieter more and more. To the extent that my wife asked me recently – “How many days can you stay in a room all alone?”. As per the law of the universe “everything is made in pairs”; this downside came with an upside i.e. I became a great listener. When I did not have to speak I was listening and hearing. And when needed I had all the context that needed.

 

The downside has higher consequences than the benefits the upside brought. And also, I figured out there has to be away for me to get rid if the downside while I still reap the benefits of the trait I picked up all this while.

 

I have to narrate an analogy of a person and his belongings and how a person would go about protecting their belongings. the analogy is simple enough and it is about a person and his house. The house can be categorized into the following grouping:

BELONGINGS

These are things that matter a person. I will speak about these things in terms of where and how a person would place their belongings and not what those are.

1. Boundary Wall: It is something that is the most exterior part of the house. Something that anyone who walks by can see. How the boundary wall looks gives the stranger some insight into who lives in the house to it is important to the person living in the house.

2. Garden: It is place inside the house where the person would sit and relax. But, it is yet a public place where people can see him/her and his/her friends, family and anything he wishes to put out there. Once again like the boundary wall, it reflects something about the person living the house but is more sacred. Not everyone can see it, and the person would take care to present it to the people who would be invited in.

3. Sitting Area: This place is well inside the house hidden from prying eyes and accessible visible to any external public. Only those who are invited get to experience it. And it is this nature of the place that makes it more critical for him to take care. It is more personal.

4. Bed Room: I thought very carefully and then decided on this room, because this is private. A room where not everyone can enter. Only a selected few are allowed in this room. This is one room that he would find very sacred to himself.  This is private.

5. Locker/Safe: As it suggests, a place that where he would keep his deepest secrets not wanting anyone to venture into it. Something that is very secure and also a place that only he would know of in the house. This is sacred.

ACTORS

These are people with whom a person interacts in their lifetime.

1. Strangers: Someone we don’t know, we see so many of them everyday

2. Acquaintances: Could be anyone – our colleagues, people we deal with for work. Someone we are not close but we know just them enough

3. Friends: Need I say more?

4. Family: Need I say more?

5. ME: This is only a reflection of myself. ME represents thoughts, feelings, emotions a person would have.

Now, we need to think of the possibility that the Actors, will interact with person through his/her belonging. A person would be okay with some level of interaction between the two and anything else would simply be a violation of his/her space and it that violation that a person needs to stop.

A person would have a dog in their house to stop this violation and unleash the dog on people who would venture beyond their allowed areas.

My Dog is my Demon and than demon comes out in the shape of the Anger.

My Demon has been trained like any other dog over a period of time to behave in certain ways and that pattern is depicted below.

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I am sure you would be able to draw a similar correlation to your belongings, actors and demon as well, but essentially the point is the more we are to ourselves we are shielding things from people around us. If we keep everything locked up, our demon will have no choice to but to attack the ones we love – Family and Friends.

And, when our loved ones try to get into the next room, the demon at times just lashes at them to keep them out and over a period of time they know the door for them is closed.

I know now where I live my life; in which rooms do I have my emotions sitting. The solution are simple – either I retrain my demon or I move my emotions to a different room.

I don’t know which is easier, but I am sure one those can be done.

The Demon inside me

My family has been telling me for years now that I have the Anger of my father and fore-fathers. Yet, until recently I never thought of doing something about it. I did not see it a as something that needs to be fixed – I just had it and it was a trait of my personality. Until, recently when a thought stuck me and I realized that this needs to be fixed as it is not keeping me happy.

My Dog is my Demon and than demon comes out in the shape of the Anger.

 

I have to narrate an analogy of a person and his belongings and how a person would go about protecting their belongings before I can explain how I see myself and how I have trained my demon. The complete story is herehttp://blog.kapilvirenahuja.com/2012/01/06/the-demon-inside-me/.