Yesterday someone escalated to my bosses why I did take a proactive measure to find something that could be wrong in one of my applications. The email communication ended when the person replied as follows:
[quote align="center" color="#999999"]I agree this is ridiculous seeing a Sr. Arc on the project look for escape route and not owning things.[/quote]
The email didn’t end here (someday I may decide to make it public) and it went on to attacking me personally and not on the elements around which the matter existed. For the most part of yesterday I was angry and was itching to reply back, but I decided not to. Something told me that if the person wasn’t able to reason with the elements till now, nothing that I would say will help the person understand the reason.
Today morning when I was thinking as to why was I angry and disturbed because of what someone would call me – was it because it was a public assault on my personality, was it because I didnt take the ownership, was it because I wrote something that demanded this kind of a personal attack.
I am not going to write back and fall to the level the other person has stopped to – it is not my nature. I was harsh in my messaging but nothing that I argued was outside the elements / facts on the table. What was pissing me off the whole time – this was a simple task and we weren’t able to get it done because we didn’t have the people for the job and then also that this finally became my problem of ownership because I did wanted to do something. An idea struck me not considering the timing of our daily calls when I could have discussed this with a larger group. I chose to send an email where the right people were involved – yet this blew up and it was my accountability or why I didn’t think of this idea per the schedule of our daily calls.
Upon much pondering, it boils down to one point – what am I going to do about it. I have been that hard headed SOB who would keep going at it all the time with endless emails and communications. I have trying being the best kind – “lets play it politically correct” and keep taking the crap-shoot that keeps getting thrown at me. I am done spending countless days and night thinking that this is not the situation I am in. I realize I get the crap that I allow people to send at me. I am better at this. I am not a rock-star, but I am not one who doesn’t takes ownership of my decisions. I haven’t passed on accountability till date and I got to stop making others accountable for my miserable self.
Retaliating back is not the answer. neither responses like “Go and work this out” are going to do this time. This is not my problem – and I need to let people know they got to fix their problem else they have a much bigger one on their hand. I let people make from tough choices.
So what am I going to do? I am going to sit this one out for a couple of weeks and work on alienating my anger from the real issue on hand. Then I am going to go about solving this problem like I go about solving any other. Problem you should be worried, because when I put my mind to solving something, always that problem goes away.
P.S.: If you haven’t already seen this episode is a must have that tells the exasperation I have been going through all this time.